My Story

Solar Dreamer

by Debbie Andrisani

 

Larry fidgeted in his chair on the dais. He checked to see if the other recipients were as uncomfortable as he was, but everyone else seemed to be relaxed.  He blamed his uneasiness on his clothing since he was not used to wearing a suit and tie.  His usual attire was far more casual and consisted of shorts, a T-shirt, socks, and sandals. 

 Maybe, he thought, I’ve got jet lag.  After all, he had just gotten off a 5-hour flight that crossed three time zones in his journey from Orlando to Las Vegas. Or maybe I’m just excited about finally being recognized by the American Solar Energy Society (ASES).  No matter what the reason, Larry found it almost impossible to sit still.  He was receiving the Charles Greeley Abbot Award for his contribution to the field of solar technology.  It had taken twelve years and a lot of hard work and money, but he was finally being recognized for his proposal to mass-produce the solar-powered vehicle he had been developing for more than a decade. 

Larry wasn’t listening to the speeches being given by the other recipients. His mind was wandering.  He was trying to remember exactly when it was that he decided to build a solar car since he thought this would be a good addition to his speech. He realized that his interest in the environment dated back to the first Earth Day Festival he attended, back in Brooklyn in 1970.  It was around this time that he became interested in horticulture and reluctantly told his father that he did not want to become a partner in the family’s auto parts business. His father was not happy with the decision, but respected his son’s choice and supported him.  However, it was largely due to his mother’s constant insistence that Larry found the courage to start his own plant service business after only a few years of working for an established company.  After 20 years of caring for plants, he was more than ready to make a more substantial contribution to the planet.

My life has been a natural progression, he thought, from interior plantscaper to solar vehicle manufacturer – from working with plants to developing a technology that will counter global warming.  He felt good about the choices he had made in his life.  He smiled to himself when he remembered the first prototype of his solar car – it was little more than a scooter with one solar panel. His second attempt resulted in what can best be described as a modified go-cart with solar panels, which he named the Personal Space Vehicle, or PSV.  He called his third attempt the Solarcycle and even trademarked the name since this model was far more sophisticated than its predecessors.  The Solarcycle was three-wheeled vehicle with a 35 hp in-house PM DC motor and four square meters of photovoltaic panels, producing 1300 watts of power.  He had redesigned it three times and had high hopes of producing a modified version of the vehicle on a grand scale.  Larry recalled the many demands made by the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) when he was trying to register the Solarcycle so it would be street-legal. Their latest demand involved the addition of safety equipment, including LED lights and gauges, but even then, the DMV would only recognize it as a motorcycle. These encounters had shown him how resistant government bureaucracies were to change.

As Larry sat on the stage in the Alpine Room of the Las Vegas Hilton, he looked out into the crowd hoping to see his fiancé, Kim-Ly.  Kim was standing against the wall to the left of the stage, listening intently to the speech being given by one of the award recipients.  Larry had hoped this weekend in Las Vegas would make her forget the ultimatum she had given him before they left home.  This should be one of the happiest days in my life, he thought, I hope she doesn’t ruin it by forcing me to make a decision tonight.

Kim saw that Larry was trying to get her attention and she smiled encouragingly.  Kim was an exotic-looking girl, 27 years old and the product of an interracial union between an African-American father and a Vietnamese mother.  Her mother, Hoa (pronounced HWA) wanted to name her daughter ‘Kim’ since it was an accepted American name. After hearing her daughter cry for the first time, Hoa felt compelled to add ‘Ly’ (lion) to her name since her daughter’s cry sounded like the roar of a lion. As it turned out, this addition to her name was most appropriate since even though Kim was soft-spoken by nature, she was able to ferociously and loudly express herself when engaged in an argument.  Her father, Wardell (‘Dell’ to his friends), loved to tell the story of how Kim got her name and would tell the story to anyone who would listen.

Although Kim was only 5’2” tall and weighed barely 100 pounds, she was deceptively strong. She attributed her strength to years of physical labor working at her parents’ small grocery store where she unloaded boxes, stocked shelves, and wielded heavy floor-cleaning machinery.  Kim also helped Larry service the accounts in his plant business once or twice a week and it was not uncommon for her to carry heavy buckets of water and move large potted plants. She looked forward to the days when she worked with Larry since she not only enjoyed caring for the plants, but they usually had fun together.

The two met at an alternative energy convention when Kim was only 17 years old. They became fast friends despite the fact that Larry was more than 20 years her senior. After several years of friendship, the relationship developed into a romance, which Kim kept hidden from her parents due to their age difference and also because of Larry’s social awkwardness. Once they were engaged, Kim was still reluctant about their meeting, but Larry insisted and arranged a dinner at an upscale restaurant.  The dinner was a disaster since her parents did not hide their disapproval, which made Larry self-conscious, causing him to spill his wine and accidentally kick Kim’s mother under the table. He also rambled on about his solar car, which is something he did whenever he was trying to impress someone. To make matters worse, Larry tended to talk in superlatives about his work.  He used phrases like “the most important thing anyone could ever accomplish” and “the best solution to global warming” when referring to his solar car, which offended Kim’s parents since they were both humble people.

Kim was very familiar with all of Larry’s idiosyncrasies and found most of them endearing.  In fact, she was the one who usually rescued him when he made a social blunder by interjecting herself into the conversation. On several occasions, she found herself explaining one of his inappropriate comments or speaking on his behalf when he was unable to effectively communicate an idea.  Kim was one of the few people who understood Larry.  She knew that he usually said exactly what was on his mind, with little thought as to how it would impact others.  She also knew that he was a kind person who was surprised when he learned that his words had offended someone since this was never his intention.  Kim was able to overlook his faults because she loved him and because she believed that he was a truly unique individual. She often joked that Larry was a ‘very intelligent man who thought social graces were highly over-rated.’

Kim’s parents, on the other hand, did not see Larry in the same light that she did.  They forbade the marriage and tried to convince Kim to break off the relationship. When Larry learned what Kim’s parents were trying to do, he turned to the one person he could always count on for help  –his mother.

Barbara, was a wealthy, independent, strong-willed Jewish woman who had outlived three husbands.  Larry was her only child and she doted on him not only because she loved him and was proud of him, but also because Larry was the spitting image of her first (and favorite) husband. Whenever Larry was unhappy, Barbara always seemed to know what to do.  She decided that a dinner party at her home was the best way to cast Larry in a more favorable light. She invited several of her influential friends, including politicians, noted athletes, and local celebrities, making sure the guest list included only those who knew and liked her son. It was easy for Kim to convince her parents to attend once she mentioned some of the guests at the party.

The timing of the dinner party couldn’t have been more advantageous.  The day before, Larry found out that he would be receiving an ASES award.  Finally, he thought, I’m getting some recognition and respect for my work. This will change Hoa’s and Dell’s opinion of me.  But the turnaround in the relationship between Larry and Kim’s parents was due largely to Barbara’s strategy and less to an award given by an obscure organization.

As Barbara had hoped, Kim’s parents were impressed with the way Larry interacted with many of her notable guests. They were also pleasantly surprised not only by the interest so many showed in his work, but also the respect they showed him. Barbara knew that inviting Kim’s parents to her home would be the best way to give them a preview of the lifestyle their daughter could expect if she married into the family. Needless to say, both Hoa and Dell changed their minds about the engagement and welcomed Larry as their son-in-law by the end of the evening. Larry didn’t know how to thank his mother for saving his relationship and so he asked her what he could do to repay her. “Give me grandchildren,” she said with a smile.

But Barbara would not live to see her grandchildren.  She would not even live long enough to see her son get married.  Four months after the infamous dinner party, Barbara suffered a massive stroke and lapsed into a coma.  Two weeks later, she passed away. 

Larry thought about his mother as he watched the Chairman of the Awards Committee walk towards the podium to introduce his award – the last award of the evening.  I wish my mother could be here, he thought. More than anything, he wanted her to see that the faith she had shown in him for so many years was justified. He longed to see himself in the mirror of his mother’s eyes as they sparkled with pride and admiration. The evening was incomplete without her.

Larry made his way to the podium and took out the acceptance speech that Kim had written for him.  At his request, she had also created a PowerPoint presentation since Larry saw this ceremony as an opportunity to attract investors to his project.  The presentation included photographs of his solar vehicle at each stage of its development, along with pictures, blueprints, and locations of three proposed facilities that could accommodate mass-production of the vehicle. To entice investors, Larry incorporated estimates from his AESIS proposal in the presentation, including pre-production costs, a two-year budget, and an impressive projected earnings statement. 

Although he had inherited a small fortune from his mother, he still wanted investors to help share the financial burden, as well as lend their expertise in making the right decisions for the new business.  To mass-produce his vehicle, he needed a facility that could accommodate large-scale manufacturing equipment in order to build an assembly line, similar to those used by major car manufacturers.

Raising the capital for this venture was the basis of the argument that he and Kim had been having ever since Larry inherited his mother’s estate.  Kim strongly believed that most of the money for his new business should come from outside investors.  She also suggested that they sell Larry’s home, move into Barbara’s home, save most of the inheritance for their future, and use some of it to build up his interior plantscaping business. Kim even offered to take over most of the accounts so that Larry could be more involved in selecting and equipping the facility where production would take place. She suggested that he should build, rather than rent, a factory on the piece of land his mother had in Mariposa, FL. 

Larry, on the other hand, did not agree with most of Kim’s suggestions.  First of all, he did not want to live in his mother’s home.  He didn’t see any reason to move since his home already had the two features most important to him: a greenhouse in the backyard to support his plant business and a garage that had been converted into a shop with all the tools needed to build his solar car.  Secondly, he expected to be the primary financer of his new business All he wanted was one investor to help him select the right facility and buy the necessary equipment so that he could produce his vehicle on a larger scale. To that end, and with or without an investor, Larry was willing to sell everything he owned to finance his dream.

As he stood at the podium and gave his presentation, Larry had to stop at various points in the presentation to answer questions.  He was inspired and excited by the interest shown by so many of the people in the audience.  By the end of the presentation, he was convinced that someone attending this convention would offer him the financial backing he needed. If he could find just one person or company willing to invest some capital, this would solve the problem he was having with Kim, since technically, he would not be using all of his own money to finance the project.

Larry couldn’t wait to get to the cocktail party that was being given immediately after the awards ceremony.  He hurried off the stage and rushed down the hall to the banquet room where the cocktail party was being held.  He wanted to talk to every person who asked a question during his presentation since he was convinced these were the people who wanted to invest in his new business.  As he panned the room for potential investors, he saw that Kim was already inside speaking with his friend and mentor, Michael Gleason.

Michael was a retired NASA engineer who had befriended Larry years earlier during a chance encounter at an alternative energy conference in Atlanta, GA.  Larry was displaying his PSV when Michael stopped by his booth and showed an interest in his vehicle design. During the conversation, they discovered that they not only shared an interest in solar-powered vehicles, but they also both lived in Orlando, FL.  Over the next 10 years a friendship developed, and Michael often leant his name and expertise to help Larry establish himself as a ‘player’ in the solar energy community. 

Michael greeted Larry warmly with a smile and a firm handshake.  “Congratulations, my friend,” he said. 

“Thanks,” returned Larry, “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

 “And now,” interjected Kim, “we need the help of investors to continue.”

“This is a good place to find them,” Michael offered.  “Go ahead and mingle,” he suggested.  “Your best bet is that group from Spire Corporation,” he said, indicating towards four men standing in front of the portable bar in the corner of the room. 

As Larry started off to speak to the men, Kim grabbed his arm, halting his movement.  “Let them come to you, “ she admonished.  “If you approach them, they’ll think you’re desperate for financing and you’ll scare them off.”

Respecting her opinion, Larry stayed put and waited for the men from Spire to approach him.  When they did, he learned they were interested in his ideas, but were not prepared to finance an independent venture ‘at this time.’ Sadly, the same was true for everyone else he spoke with that evening. 

Dejected, he returned to his hotel room, wiser, but no richer.  “No one wants to help me,” he complained to Kim.

“Give it some more time,” she suggested.  “You just received the award today.”

“But the news that I was getting the award was publicized over four months ago,” Larry retorted.  “Everybody says they’re interested in the project and they like my ideas, but nobody is willing to finance me,” he fumed.  “I’m tired of waiting for investors – I’ve been trying to find financial backing for over three years.  I can do this on my own.  My mother left me enough money to get started.  If I need more, I can always sell my plant business.” 

“We talked about what might happen if you used all your own money to finance this,” she said softly, trying to calm him down. “If you do this and fail, you’ll have nothing left.”

 “But if I do this and succeed, I’ll have everything,” he offered hopefully.

“I don’t want to gamble with my future,” she said, reminding him of her position.

Once they returned home, nothing more was said about Larry’s intention to finance the project on his own. Life went on, as usual, for more than a month.  Kim knew that Larry was continuing to search for investors and she was also doing her best to find outside financing for his project.  What she didn’t know was that he had selected a cutoff date – a time beyond which he would no longer seek the financial help of others – it would be six months, to the day, of his mother’s passing. 

The cutoff date came and went and still there were no investors. The next evening Larry walked into the bedroom where Kim-Ly was reading and asked pointedly: “When did you stop believing in me?”  She was taken aback by the question.  Until this moment, she didn’t realize that she had stopped believing in him.  Had she ever believed in him?  Not knowing how to respond, she simply said, “I’m sorry.”

The next morning Larry announced that he was going to Mariposa, FL to meet with a real estate agent who was going to sell his mother’s property.  “After that,” he challenged, “I’m going to sell her home and liquidate her assets.”  Larry expected a fight, but didn’t get one.  Kim knew that the time for arguing had passed.  They had each made their decision. 

When Larry returned home that evening, he saw Kim’s house key on the counter and knew that she was gone. Once I succeed, he thought, I’ll win her back.  He then played out the scenario of their reunion in his mind.  After I sell ten Solarcycles, I’ll drive up to her house in the original car that we built together and bring her home.  It was this unique mixture of optimism, denial, naiveté, and fantasy that allowed him to cope with any adversity that dared intrude in his life.